I’m not sure which causes more strife in families, getting our kids to bed at night or getting them out the door in the morning. Both can be torturous for busy parents. Sadly, these are the times when we are parting ways and we leave each other with feelings of anger, resentment and hurt. Parents may want to try this strategy to turn the table on this nightmare and start down the path toward a glorious morning.
First, pick a couple of minutes when things are calm and ask for some time to talk to your child. Ask him or her to tell you how they feel the morning routine is going? What is going well? What is not going so well? No need to judge the answers, just get the input.
Second, let your child know that you feel things could be better too.
Third, ask the child if they would be willing to help make a list of the things they are responsible for each morning. Asking, instead of telling, helps you to gain the child’s buy in. This list will become your child’s “morning checklist,” so doing this on the computer is both fun and helpful.
The checklist should start with the “wake-up time,” and end with the “leave time.” Listing the time that each task should be completed next to the task will help your child to monitor their progress as they go. On the front of each task, have a box for your child to check off completed items.
As your child comes up with a list of responsibilities, possibly with a few helpful reminders like brush my teeth, feed the dog, eat breakfast and so on, help them to organize these in order, first to last. My favorite task was “Hug and Kiss my Mom.” I added this to my kindergartener’s list because he was a BEAR in the morning. The funny thing was, once I stopped spending all of my energy trying to get him up, his attitude improved immensely. He would even bounce in to give me his hug and kiss.
Now that the list is made, starting with the “wake-up time,” ask your child how long they think each task will take them. Use this time and calculate the time the task should be completed and add it next to the task. Children don’t have a complete grasp of the abstract concept of time yet, so sometimes they need a little adult support with this, as they tend to under or over estimate the amount of time needed. Great news, what you are working on will help them to learn this skill. At the end, the “wake-up” time may need to be adjusted if there is not enough time to get all of the tasks completed by the “leave time.”
Next, help your child set their own alarm clock. This gives them ownership and it gives you an opportunity to praise how big they are getting.
Last, print out their checklist.
Now, the really important part. Try it. In the morning, let them at it; without bothering them. Busy yourself by getting yourself ready. Worry a lot about what you need to do. Worry out loud but only about yourself. Easy, right?
If you are extremely lucky, your child might succeed and the morning glory begins. But they probably won’t. When they don’t, it’s important to stay calm and use the positive power you have to teach your child. Say to your child, “Looks like you needed more time. Do you think 15 minutes would do it or do you need 30 more?” (options are helpful). Then, let your child know that their bedtime will be moved up by 15 or 30 minutes respectively, so they are able to get up earlier and get their list done on time. At this point, if they thought they needed 30 additional minutes they are probably changing their mind to 15. Allow them to change. Encourage them with a “You are doing some really good thinking.” Children vary on how quickly they learn to get their stuff done. Usually, their parent’s reactions (encouraging vs. reminding/anger) is the key to how long the change takes.
Each day, make sure to leave on time, regardless if the check list is finished. “Leave time” is nonnegotiable. Going to bed time is the time that changes based on the child’s “needs.” But what do we do if our child does nothing…not even get dressed? Some children may use all morning to play and mess around. If you are like I was, this will be extremely hard to take. One way to handle this situation is to calmly and sweetly let them know that you will have a bag of clothes for them if they don’t have enough time to get dressed before its time to leave. Remember, a few days of looking disheveled and possibly being embarrassed is worth the years of happiness that comes from a child that can get out the door without yelling, threats or reminders. Consequences dished out with calmness and love creates a child who learns and a glorious morning for all.